You finally have the man of your dreams, whom you have been seeing for the last three and half months. It’s established you two are an item, a salt to his pepper, the apple to his eye, the peanut butter to his jelly and, well, you get the point: you’re seeing only each other.
Hello! It’s even Facebook official!
Whenever I meet another potential
victim suitor, the question I inevitably ask (and god, do I ask a bunch) at one point or another is, “What is key to making a relationship work?” Some may say respect, communication, or maybe sexual chemistry. All those answers are acceptable, but the one that holds it together is trust.
To make a great and original analogy–Trust is like glue. You need glue (trust) to hold two pieces of paper (hearts) together and with no glue (trust), those pieces of paper (hearts) just won’t stay together.
Of course another question I unfortunately forget to ask is, “What is your definition of cheating?” Presumably, I assume everyone has the same definition. If you develop romantic feelings for anyone else, it’s cheating, emotionally. If you kiss or have sex (and anything in between) with someone else, it’s cheating, physically. If you’re sharing a french fry Lady & the Tramp style [No pun intended], it’s only escalating my suspicion. If you’re having sleepovers that aren’t in our bed, something isn’t right. If you’re choosing to spend time with her over me, there’s a problem. Hell, if you feel like you’re doing something wrong, you’re more than likely! Maybe A and I never discussed this because apparently, in his book, kissing someone else when you’re intoxicated because you thought the person was me somehow isn’t considered cheating.
But I was drunk, and I thought it was you. It didn’t mean anything.
I should have said goodbye then, but I didn’t. He told me it didn’t mean anything, so I believed him. It’s funny how lie is in the word believe.
As soon as I started snooping through his phone or perpetually checking his and her MySpace, was the moment I knew I didn’t trust him anymore. Was I being paranoid? Was I trying to prove to myself in a fucked up way he was going to cheat on me? I looked, and felt crazy, but my gut instinct was right all along. He was a cheater, a liar. I put him on a pedestal, a place he didn’t deserve. I wasn’t crazy at all.
Before him, I suspected the same with the previous boyfriend and a girl he worked with. Was I crazy then too? Did I inherit some crazy, jealous gene? No. A week after we broke up, he started seeing the girl I was suspicious of, which has me asking: You don’t think he is going to cheat on you either, Other Woman?
And to even have the audacity to call me a crazy bitch!?
I’ve come to the realization that I am not crazy. I never was. I am just mm, blessed , with a great intuition that if I feel something is suspicious, I am more than likely right. And I think most women will agree that they have this. It’s just their discretion whether they decide to use it or not.
I know that with A, I was just too dependent on him and the idea of being without him was terrifying. I would have rather been with him, be unhappy and continue to get walked all over than to not be with him at all.
It took me a long time to finally realize what I learned from that relationship. I will never put myself in that situation where I am a doormat. I will never jump out in front of a bus to get the opposite sex’s attention. I let him off easy the first time, and he knew he could get away with again, and again, and again. A man who loves you, respects you, and wants you would never stray or put you in that situation. Ever.
With that being said, my previous relationships have more than likely molded me into being cautious, bitter, and jaded about relationships, but is it going to stop me from wanting to be with another person? Nope. Is it stopping me from wanting to fall in love with someone new? Absolutely not. In fact, I am so eager and ready to be in another relationship. It only took me over two years, but this is exciting for me because I thought I would never be able to make it here again.